SAHM and Wife's Ranthem!!

To my husband whom I adore but needs to understand more of what I do all day:

Here's a schedule of my day!  In case you forgot, my job is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks of the year.  I do NOT get paid vacation, I do NOT get sick days, I do NOT get a personal day, and I do NOT get a wonderful retirement at the end of my career path.

READ ON IF YOU DARE:

5:00am  baby wakes up crying.  i wake  you up and ask you to change the diaper so i don't nurse for an hour trying not to pee my pants.  you bring baby to bed and i prop up uncomfortably for a good 30 min and let this little thing suck and pull on my once perky and beautiful breast that now sag to the floor and are covered in the martyr lines and battle scars of birthing this little baby...stretch marks.

5:30am I beg you to please rock the baby so I can get some extra sleep.  After all you have to get up in 40 min to work and I do have to get up with the little one all day.  I'm sure  you are thinking that I get to sleep all day...wish it worked like that.

6:00am You leave for work and kiss me good-bye.  I pull the covers over my head and try to catch another 5-10 min of sleep.

6:10am The dogs have to pee. I get out of bed and let them outside. I realize that my breasts are like rocks and they must be pumped.  I get all the supplies washed and dried and set myself up to pump. This involves assembling puzzle like pieces and finding an outlet to plug into and washing more bottles to pump into and putting everything in order.  Then I realize the dogs are back inside but I'm already pumping and sitting there with nothing i can do other than hold these things to my saggy boobs (oh those stretch marks again) and wait for them to empty out into containers that I must then seal up and store in the freezer.

6:30am Pumping is done and baby wakes up before I completely get it all cleaned up.  I'll wash the parts later.  Time to get my cutie up for the day.  Change diaper, change clothing and find my phone in my bed.  Get dogs something to eat and let them back outside then sit down to nurse the baby again.  Dogs scratch at the door so i let them in still nursing my baby with boob hanging out for the neighbors to see. Finish nursing.

7:00am Playing with the cutie on the floor.  Trying to make him smile and keep him content.  Get him started on some back time on the floor with toys so I can work on last night's giant stack of dishes that weren't done.  Start putting some away when I hear baby crying.  Move baby to a bounce seat and try to work on dishes some more.  Crying again.  Move baby to the swing and work on dishes some more.  Crying again.  Move baby back to floor on tummy this time.  baby still freaking out.  realize it's been an hour and it's time to feed him breakfast.

8:10am mix rice cereal with breastmilk that was pumped earlier. warm it up then add fruit of choice.  baby shrieks and screams from being forced into captivity in his high chair while i stir it and taste it YUCKY to make sure it's not too hot.  Sit down to feed it to baby who gets it all over his sweet face and hands and then SCREAMS bloody murder at me while I try to clean it off.  Clean him up and nurse him for a quick drink.  Pull him off and pat him down for a nap since he's so cranky at this point he's completely beside himself and nothing I do will content him.  He finally drifts off to sleep and I realize that I've killed another hour of my day.

9:00am  Put baby down in crib.  Hold face in hands until he stops flailing.  Pray that he stays asleep for a few min.  Slowly walk out of room and close door.  Scamper back into kitchen to try and very quietly this time put away those dishes from last night.  Get them done and even have time to wipe down the counters and find spills of your coffee and creamer, your cheesey helper on the stove to wipe clean ext.  Realize the trash needs taken out but can't leave cutie alone inside the house for fear someone will run in my house and steal him away.  wish i had time to mop the floor and wipe down cabinets. oh another day....run down to see what our laundry situation looks like.  Clothes were left all night in the washer again and need rerun through since the heat of the summer makes them stink rotten if i don't.  rewash them.  Take the ones from the drier upstairs just in time to hear baby start to cry.  It's now been an hour and a half.

10:30am Get baby out of bed, change a diaper realizing the diaper pail is starting to reject diapers, again can't carry diaper trash and baby outside at the same time, carry baby back to the living room.  In the process must find cell phone, computer, and any other things I'll need close by.  He nurses while I catch up on texts or emails.  Researching baby feeding procedures, shot information, BPA free plastics, new car seat we'll never be able to afford, his insurance and dr. bills, sorting through breastfeeding information, questions about what to do with constipation, burping and puking too much, ext.  He finishes and wants to play.  I set him in the playroom and let him play for a bit.  I then have to use the bathroom.  By the time I finish in there he's crying again.  Didn't get a great nap in.  Wants another one but it's a fight to the death to get him to take one even though he's cranky and exhausted.  Finally he relaxes and goes to sleep.  It's been two hours now.

12:30pm  baby goes in crib again and I realize I have yet to eat a thing today.  go into kitchen to grab a meal.  i see huge stack of mail that hasn't been sorted and begin to thumb through coupons and bills and get rid of the junk mail and put things back in order.  I see your phone charger and go to return it to it's place which leads me into the living room to get my phone back on the charger in there since mine's dying.  then I realize the living room looks like babies r us exploded so i move all the baby bouncers and rockers and toys back into the play room.  i put away dog toys too. straighten up pillows that were never straightened up last night.  i put away pictures and books and magazines left out.  put away baby toys. and realize that the tv stand is very dusty.  i go back into the kitchen to the stack of bills i was working on to get dust stuff and set the dust stuff aside to finish sorting the mail.  baby starts crying.  it's been a half hour

1:00pm i change his diaper and take him into the kitchen and put him in his high chair.  I realize the dust stuff is still in there.  i fix him some veggie dinner and a bottle of milk and feed him the food, listen to him scream as i clean him up, then give him a bottle and burp until i'm covered in green puke.  then put him down in his jumperoo for a bit.  i go back into the kitchen  then i take the duster and dust all the living room and make my way into the playroom to dust too.  this makes me realize that it's a mess in there and i organize and straighten up baby's toys, books, clothing and more.  i need more diapers in my playroom bag so i sneak quietly into baby's room to get more.  i see a pile of clothes on the floor that need put away. i grab more diapers and run them back to the playroom.  i decide to get his to go bag ready for the next babysitter and get supplies back and forth. baby starts getting sick of the jumperoo and fussy and i realize that it's been another hour and a half

2:30pm i get baby and start to rock him to sleep again after much drama and crying of which i get up and stand and rock then sit down and rock then go outside and walk and talk and rock. finally he goes to sleep again as he desperately needs an afternoon nap as well.  i go to put him in his crib and he's not having that so i go through the whole process over again trying to get him down to nap.  this time i let him sleep on my body since he won't do anything else.  we both fall asleep since i'm starting to get tired and i nap about an hour with the worst position position to fall asleep in i can find and wake up with a huge kink in my neck and soreness.  he's still asleep so i move him to his swing hoping he'll stay down another hour. I realize that i haven't eaten yet so i make myself some lunch put it in microwave and see your cheese mess you left in there, wipe that out and warm up my meal, and sit down to eat it.

3:30pm baby wakes up. I go change a diaper and get him situated playing again.  i feel guilty that i haven't played with him all day so i sit down and read him a few books and play and hang out with him.  he gets mad and wants to eat.  we nurse together while my back aches because i'm still in the playroom on the floor.  i move to the sofa and find my lunch still there.  I try to eat with one hand and try to read an email or responses to my research in between bites. i may turn on the tv.  he finishes up and falls asleep again so i try to move him and once again he doesn't want moved.  he's so cranky that i know he needs his rest so again i'm a human bed and let him sleep on me.  when i think he's really out of it i try to put him down again this time on the couch beside me.  i might finish a show if i happened to turn the tv on while he slept and i was stuck there.

4:30pm as baby sleeps i check the laundry.  put some into the drier and bring up another load of dry clothing.  still haven't folded the other loads so i work on a few of those things and baby wakes up. change his diaper and phone rings,  it's you saying you are coming home from work now.  i take baby outside for the first time all day so he'll seem happy for you when you get here.  you find us smiling and giggling in the backyard playing outside.  dogs are happy to see you as well.  you change and shower and i get baby back inside.  you take him while i make dinner.  you nap usually at this point.  i get dinner ready and sometimes baby is napping so we eat in peace, most of the time we eat in tandem so one person enjoys while the other does baby duty.  then we feed baby his supper.

6:30pm baby finishes dinner to a fuss from wiping his face again and then nurses for a little while.  then he plays with you and me off and on until bath time.

7:30pm bath time arrives and i get him started on it.  some night you start him on it but usually holler at me to get his jammies or a diaper or towel.  together we make this happen and get him lotioned up and in jammies.  he had bad naps today so he wants to nurse again and go back to sleep.  i nurse and put him to bed.

8:00pm house is quiet. we decide to watch shows after one of us feeds the dogs and lets them outside.  their barking wakes the baby.  he pukes all over us both and finally goes back to sleep again.

9:30 we still haven't finished a show but you give up and go to bed.  i stay up and watch  the ending and then clean the living room up.  get the dishes ready to be washed the next day or wash them now why not.  Then I clean down the kitchen and get my pumping supplies in the sink for tomorrow.  I sometimes load the dishwasher and start it.  No matter what i do i'm still up late and there will still be more to do tomorrow.

10:45pm I sit down to relax on the computer for a bit. i talk to family on facebook, check emails, work on pampered chef orders, look for a job for tomorrow on aesop (subtitute teacher) find one and line up a baby sitter as well.  back up baby's bag and milk and get everything ready.

11:30pm i finish getting ready for tomorrow and come to bed.  i sit down on the toilet for the first time all day with no worries of the baby crying at me with no one to help me.  i think and think about my day. process it all out, read my book to escape it all, take my time and enjoy my emptying of my bowels.  Then I brush my teeth and hop in bed.  My head hits the pillow.  I push dogs out of the way.  You forgot to put them in the kennel yet again.  guess we won't have sex tonight.  we won't even kiss or cuddle. you are snoring since you've been passed out since 9:30pm.  Oh well. I think some more.

1:46am I finally fall asleep and awake at 6:15am to my cute crying son.  I nudge you to please do me a favor and get him for me.  Oh wait you are already gone to work.  My turn again.



This is kinda a look into my day.  It's not hardly everything.  I forget to mention that every time I change rooms i have to refind my phone.  I also don't mention that 60% of the things I'm cleaning up aren't mine.

I know you work hard.  I love you for that.  I do appreciate all you do for me and how tired you must be.  If you spent more time talking to about your day I'd prob realize how hard it is on you.  But for now, for this one time, this one's about ME and MY day.  And it would be nice to feel more appreciated too, and even nicer to get some flowers, or jewelry, or a day off to do something like get a massage you booked me. Or a pedicure.  Or a shopping spree.  Anything that you thought up all by yourself to treat me.  And yes we need more dinners together.  And more romance.  And it's hard with a baby and you and I are both too tired.  But hey, at least now you know how my day is spent.  That I do appreciate you...and that I deserve some appreciation and a little more understanding too.


AND I STILL NEED TO TAKE A SHOWER SOMETIME TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Super Woman Must Have Been a Housewife

There's no other way to get around it folks...superwoman was defiantly a housewife.  Forget this comic book hero crap.  She was the woman that got married and made babies then decided to give up her entire existence to love and care for them.  She's the woman that decided that the most important people in her life are her family and tirelessly works to serve them.  Superwoman is the wife that has a warm dinner on the table even when her darling husband comes home at midnight.  She's the mom who works hard to get her little one calmed down after his shots and off to bed constantly checking in on him and checking for a fever or rash.  She's the woman who in the middle of her day with her son and his first shots takes time out to run over to the hospital to comfort some family members while they are worried over someone who is very sick.  She then comes home and helps put the baby to bed and gets up feeling her stress and exhaustion and just deals with her headache and gets up for the day and gets going.  She does all the laundry and dishes, cleans up her house, and makes sure there are plenty of towels and soaps in the guest bath.  She washes the guest room sheets in case family needs to stay with her and she goes ahead and washes her own sheets after a week of spit up stains built up on them.  She is still up past 10pm despite her tiredness because she can't sleep without her man her SUPER man beside her at night.  She also knows he needs to eat something when he gets home and she wants to be there waiting up to greet him.  She also while waiting works on the laundry again to catch it all up.  She misses her mom and her husband and is very lonely but just deals with that as well because she knows her man is working hard to provide for her.

Superwoman isn't a comic book hero.  She doesn't fight crime but rather fights illness and dirty houses.  She doesn't wear some sexy tight costume but aprons, spit up stained t-shirts, and nursing tank tops.

She teaches her family about God and how Jesus loves them and without His grace and mercy they wouldn't have nearly as wonderful a life as they do.

She makes healthy meals for them and tries to keep herself full so she can nourish and feed her new baby every two hours.

She wakes up no matter how sick or tired she is to nurse that baby back to sleep and keep him happy and fed.

She makes time for her husband even when she's tired or has a headache because if she just keeps him happy and shows him attention and love he'll be a better husband and friend.

She even has time to take the dogs outside and feed them each day while walking around with the baby still eating from her breast and surely the neighbors see her at the door with her shirt up.

But she does it all because she's superwoman...superwife...supermom...SUPER WOMAN!

Why Does Everyone Think They Know My Baby Better Than Me?

This post has been a long time coming but I'm finally ready to state the facts.  Everyone thinks they know more about your child than you do.  Your mom, your aunts, your father, uncles, cousins, other moms, friends, random old ladies esp. church ladies, random people in the grocery store, random people at the park, all the people who pass you by with your little one, and any woman who ever had a baby before.  They all think they know your baby better than you do as his/her mother. 

Well guess what people of the world...the truth is...NO ONE knows a baby better than their mother.

My child and I have a connection that started from the moment I conceived him and that connection runs way deeper than anything you think you have with my baby.  Not to mention he knows his mom better than you, he responds to his mom better than any other human and it's increasingly frustrating to hear someone constantly try and FIX a child that there is nothing wrong with.

Please people this baby isn't your baby, isn't your daughter's baby, your son's baby, your cousin's aunt Jenny's great-niece's friend's baby.  This is MY baby and I know what to do with him.  I may be a first time mom and a bit green, but I'm getting this kid figured out.  I spend 24/7 with him and I'd think I know what I'm doing.  I know if he has gas or a tummy ache (he doesn't).  I know when he's sick or fussing because he's just sleepy and needs a nap.  I know how to soothe him even if it take me a little while to get there.  I also know when he's colic and fussing non stop all day long if he's not asleep (hard to get him to do that) or eating (very very easy to get him to do that).   Just trust me everyone, unless I ASK you for advice, I don't want it.  When I ask for help with colic and how to handle it, I don't need to stop breast feeding, don't need to learn how to stop him from ever having gas, don't want your advice on how to give him all these weird things to do to keep him happy.  I want ideas on keeping him happy not changing every thing about him.  And please unless I ask you do not offer advice.  It's annoying, it drives me up the wall, and I'm getting tired of trying to politely decline or disagree with you people that think you are doctors or smarter than doctors or that doctors are trying to only make money off me and have never had kids themselves (YES most of them have).

Anyways that's my rant of the day and I really wish you would respect me as a mom and understand that I know my own baby and I can take care of him.  When I have a question I'll go to the doctor, nurses, friends, and Senor Google.  If I come to you please feel free to give me a little advice, but don't give more than asked for and don't push it if I don't think your advice is working or would work for my child.  No I will not just TRY it out, it won't work I've either already tried it, or I know well enough it's not going to work for us.

Thanks.

Six Week FREAK OUT!

We've had a lot of trouble the last couple days.  About noon Sunday LAD started to fuss and he didn't stop the entire night and next day.  He was hard to get down for naps, impossible to hold and play with, hard to keep fed because he always wanted more, and just an all over difficult baby.  I knew it wasn't his fault, and I figured the hunger was brought on by a big growth spurt, but nonetheless I still got frustrated and exhausted and just wanted him happy again.  I kept clinging to these pictures on my phone taken minutes before the fall out of him grinning huge and so happy.  What had happened to my little happy baby.  The baby the would easily be soothed and always wanted to smile and talk to me?  It was horrible.  He cried no matter who held him and no matter how he was held.  He didn't like anything and believe me we tried all the tricks.  I finally went to my best friend Senor Google.  Senor Google told me that lots of moms out there experienced a six week fall out.  It's a growth spurt age that makes a starving and cranky child.  After learning that it was much easier to realize that soon it would all be over with and he'd be on the road to a happier baby and sleeping through the night (eventually).  You know it's so hard with the sleeping thing, I thought our new bath routine was really working because he was sleeping almost 5 hours a night.  Then the six week fallout came and it's barely two-three hours again.  I struggle daily with wanting to give up breastfeeding because not only is he still not sleeping good, but I'm STILL cracked to all hell on the right side.  I've tried nastatin ointment, triple antibiotic ointment, something I'd never heard of called Gentian Violet.  Nothing is really working.  Still huge crack and still very sore....will it ever end?  And I know moms who use formula are already enjoying a full night's sleep.  I wish it were me.  But I also learned a new manta from another Senor Google search.  "NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR WORST DAY, ONLY GIVE IT UP ON YOUR BEST DAY!" So onward we press still breastfeeding every two hours, still exhausted, but still very much in love and awe of what I have created and am starting to raise, and teach.  More on teaching later...

MONSTER BALLADS

Went to the doctor today for my first 6 week post partum check up.  Everything is great.  We got the green light to resume our romantic relationship which was a huge relief to my DH (darling husband).  6 weeks was torture for the both of us.  I don't know if you other moms can remember those weeks of misery.  Sleep deprivation, angry, frustrated, grouchy, beginning to wonder if you married an alien because you can't remember anything about them that's the same anymore.  Anyways the dry spell has finally ended much to both our satisfaction and happiness.

We have also broken new ground in establishing a bedtime routine.  Feed, bath, story, rocking, bed.  And it's working.  We've also discovered our son must have reflux because after starting him on prevacid we've had wonderful three-four hour sleep sessions with intermittent night feedings in between, but no more horrible screaming up all night moments thus far.  And no more puking load after load of spit up all over everyone and everything.  Sure he still spits up, but believe me it's less than it was.

So anyways after another bedtime routine done and gone and a sweet angelic baby sleeping in his pack n play bassinet next to our bed we decided what lullaby CD to play.  Normally our go to music of choice is always an edition of Rockabye Baby with our favorite classic rock ballads in lullaby form.  I almost reached for Journey's edition, but stopped short realizing that if I had to listen to lullaby anything the mood I wanted for "later" would NOT be happening.  So what's a mom to do?  Baby has to have soft music to sleep to, and momma has to have sexy time music of some capacity.

I grabbed Monster Ballads.  The greatest CD ever invented anyway for it's vast array of beautiful classic rock ballads.  It worked like a charm.  It gave my son his lullaby and he's still sleeping nearly two and a half hours later, and it gave my DH and I some much needed romantic music for our rekindle.

I'm now hoping for a week full of smiles and goofy childplay between DH and I.  Hoping for less grouchy and more groping.  Less cranky and more hanky panky.  And hopefully a happier more harmonies household that not only has it's fire relit, but also has it's sleep tanks refueled by the new sleep we are getting finally.

Thanks again for reading my babbles. Hope you enjoy...no really...get off the computer and go grab your significant other and make some time to have you own Monster Ballads sessions.

SAHM and GTWD

Here we are the wonderful world of SAHM (Stay at home moms) who give their everything to make the home wonderful and take care of their children.  Some call us home makers, housewives, domestic goddesses, what have you.  We are in charge of this household.  We have to keep the kids alive, the house from burning down, and the husband well...happy.

Then the story gets challenging, it's more than a boy meets girl story.  The SAHM meets the GTWD (Go to work dad).  He is handsome, helpful, outgoing, wonderful.  But he's also working 10 hour shifts every day to try and keep his family fed and clothed.  The SAHM loves her GTWD with all her heart and soul, but there are days when she complains to him that if only he'd just be home more.  Can he please talk to his bosses about moving to a location closer to home?  Can he please not work so many hours?  Will he ever be able to just spend all his time with her and their children?  Why? WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe you have heard a similar story.  Maybe you get where I'm coming from here.  Anyone out there have a husband that works long hours and you know he's only doing it for you but you still feel like because of all those hours you're just not getting enough.  Every day off is a day of errands and things you can't do without him because of the new baby.  You never really have time to relax, play, enjoy each other's company without being stopped by the baby's needs or the need to get something done you never have a chance to do on a regular alone day.  You just need a honeymoon again or something like it.  Even an overnight together to get away from all your job duties (him=work, you=baby).  Life used to be easier you think to yourself.  You remember the day when you used to celebrate this giant pregnant body and look forward to the days of raising this perfect, happy infant together.  Then reality sets in.  The newborn is exhausting, needy, and takes up so much of that time you once spent doing fun things together.  Not only that but the newborn is expensive.  So that means if one of you is going to provide "free" childcare in the expense world, then one of you has to keep a really good job.  This might mean extra shifts, or a big promotion as was our case.  The promotion was such a glamorous thing at first.  Hey who doesn't like more money?  But with it came the transfer and more hours and much more stress and responsibility on the GTWD.  Now it's an hour commute every day, plus a 10-12 hour shift each of those days.  Life got harder on both of them.  Things in marital bliss started to slip a bit more and more each day.  SAHM felt like she was loosing more and more of herself as she hides away from the world.  She's loosing her sense of self in her sweat pants and pony tails with no make up on.  And GTWD is loosing himself in piles of work and killing himself to make a living so she doesn't have to worry.  But he worries.  He worries all the time.  Things are getting harder at work and he's scared that the big cuts and changes may trickle down and get him too eventually.  For now he's secure.  He's lucky that he was moved up right before all the changes took place.  They are both lucky.  In fact they don't realize how lucky they really are.  Their petty complaints about spending more time together are actually just whining, but they can't help it.  So where does a SAHM and GTWD go from here.  They really don't have a choice.  They just continue their roles and try to find time together.  Maybe grandma will help when she stays with them to help out.  Maybe in the future GTWD looks for another job?  Maybe SAHM also goes back to work and the little one ends up being raised by someone else?  Who knows what the future really holds.  But they know they have to hold onto one another and do their best.  And so continues the neverending saga that is modern life in 2012.  Be thankful you have a job at all.  And be even more thankful if you don't need to work to survive and get the unique and wonderful opportunity to be a home maker.  Never see each other and watch GTWD kill himself to provide.  But it's how it is.  Be happy, be thankful, and be satisfied you're alive and have everything you could ever dream of.  Just be HAPPY and Praise God for the blessings.

What a rant that was!

And here's a picture to show how awesome we all are as SAHM

Somewhere Between All Natural and Medical

My latest self debate has been trying to find my place between the "all natural" moms and the "medical" moms.  You know both types, the "all natural" mom who is all about steering clear of any products that may have cancer causing chemicals or bad things in them, the ones that only give their children herbal remedies and listen to old wives tales, the mom that refuses to listen to a Dr.'s advice and goes out to get their child some more vitamins and remedies.  It's the mom that believes that the experience of other mothers is much more informational and accurate than anyone that's been doing research or studying pediatrics for years.  They are the ones that swear what you eat causes your baby's tummy aches and that something in your house smells funny or sounds strange or the room your baby is in is scaring them into their fits and that colic has an easy cure if you can just find out what is really wrong.  These moms rely on faith and nature and nurture to get through motherhood and baby phases.

Then there's the "medical" moms.  These moms are well versed in the What to Expect books, they research and study and read medical journals, they ask their nursing friends for advice and always trust their doctors.  They listen to research and the changing knowledge and then new medical views and advice, they read magazines that give them tips based on facts and science.  These moms are all about using things that are doctor or hospital recommended.  They believe in changing everything that worked for them before because now it's the wrong thing and new research says to do it another way.


So here's the dilemma I face...
Where do I stand in between both these types of moms.  I'm not 100% natural and holistic, but I'm not 100% into only what the doctors and nurses and research says either.  I feel like I'm somewhere in the middle and it's working for me.  I believe in giving my baby the best start in life.  I believe that God gave us the ability to breastfeed so it's best for baby and for me.  I believe that we shouldn't expose our newborns to harsh chemicals and that natural products are great for little ones such as California Baby versus Johnsons and Johnsons shampoos.  I like that kind of stuff.  I'm all for natural baby food that I will work hard to puree myself and not into formula or canned and processed baby foods.  Having said all that, I have too many OB and Neonatal nurse friends to not listen to the logic of sound research and medicine.  Lots of great advice and good knowledge comes from people who have studied and spent years learning about that research and what has been discovered by other nurses and doctors and lots of experience with moms and babies.  So yes I do believe in the current research on topics like banning crib bumpers and back to sleep campaigns.  I know that for years people put babies to bed on their tummies or sides, but I'd rather listen to my doctor and trust them in helping to reduce our risks for SIDS. I have struggles hearing family members talk about how they've always done things a certain way and it was a tried and true method and works.  I do believe that old wives tales have some truth behind them or they wouldn't exist, but I don't rely on wives tales as how I should be a mom to my son.  I really think doctors probably know what they are talking about, but that doesn't mean all doctors have ever been mothers and really truly understand what it means to love and nurture a newborn like an auntie or grandmother does. 

So in closing I am somewhere in between and I think that's right where my son needs for me to be.