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Sunday, December 16, 2012

Mental Health is NOT "Mind over Matter"

I Am Adam Lanza's Mother-article by Lisa Long 

This is the real issue here!! I know children like this. Just scared kids themselves, sure they may look like adults, but they feel and act like scared children. They hit, kick, push, pull, punch the people trying to comfort them when the
ir on a sensory overload. Afterwards they apologize for their outburst and hug the person they just tried to do bodily harm to. It's a hard and scary world. It has many names, autism spectrum, behavioral disorders, ext. Their parents life in a virtual hell of trying to find a way to their children's deepest thoughts or a way to just survive the day. Some speak, some cannot speak. We are a nation full of mental illness, full of children and adults with no help, no where to go, no one to turn to. SOMEONE needs to step up and put an end to this tragedy! Mental health needs to be a public topic. We need better care, better facilities, and more resources. This shouldn't be hush hush, and those suffering from PTSD and PPD shouldn't feel like they are crazy and giving up on faith for needing and using medication. We need to accept and love those that are suffering, reach out, educate, help and listen to our friends and family. Please read this and learn more about mental illnesses. They are real and they need more than just "mind over matter" answers.




My story on PPD will be posted at some point...still working out the details I want to share.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Today was a very "crappy" day!

Let's just start off by saying that I sure hope no child ever got sick or worse from putting things in their mouth that are to an average intelligent adult NOT okay to put in your mouth!!!

So we got home from MOPS (Mother of Pre-Schoolers) today and my check engine light came on in the car on the way home.  Knowing I needed an oil change and that my horn and turn signals were acting up and I was driving a death trap that way, I decided to call up my husband's aunt and have her pick LAD and I up at the car place and drop the car off for some work.  So after hauling his giant Maxi Cosi Pria car seat into her car (which by the way is SOOO nice compared to my old clunker and it sure makes a difference putting a car seat into an SUV versus a 99' POS Malibu LS.  Anyways after I got him buckled in and the car dealings were done we came home and had some lunch and took a long afternoon nap.  Sounds wonderful but I forgot to mention what came before the wonderful long naps.  So my son pooped, happens all the time right, sure...I can handle this!  I changed his diaper and gently set him down over the baby gate in the living room and settled into the hall bathroom for my own quiet time with the john.  After I hear some strange gassy sounds coming from my living room and thinking to myself oh great I just changed you kid, I leave the bathroom and enter the living room only to see my son sitting on the floor next to a pile of something brown and realized quickly it was NOT his brown leggo toys.  You probably have guessed that the brown subject was dog poop, esp if you know that I own two yorkies which are the world's most horrible dogs to potty train despite their completely adorable little faces...I digress.  So my son is touching the poop and there is poop on his sweet little chin and I can only imagine how long he was there squishing it before mommy came running to save him.  I wash his hands immediately in a panic, then his face, then strip all his clothes off because his socks and pants have poo on them, and then brush his teeth and try to get his mouth rinsed out.  Then I plop him down into the pack n play and go get the steam cleaner and take about 20 minutes with a hot steam machine on the smashed into the carpet mess.  After all that is said and done I remember to give LAD his antibiotics from his sore throat (sure doesn't hurt to have some more after eating dog poo) and then scoop him up and realize that...oh yes, he had filled his diaper AGAIN and those noises I heard were definitely him messing up the perfectly clean diaper I just put on him.  So off we go to change him and clean him up and then whew...NAPTIME!  It never comes soon enough. Needless to say I'll be going to bed early tonight!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Adventures in NO SLEEP LAND

We are still waking up about 2-4 times every night.  My son is addicted...yes ADDICTED to breastfeeding.  I have probably screwed him up for life by allowing him to always comfort nurse and letting him nurse himself to sleep.  And because I refused to let him "cry it out" he's always been rocked and nursed to sleep and even back to sleep again, and again, and AGAIN.  I'm exhausted, I'm so tired of nursing, and I wish it was all behind us and he was just sleeping soundly through about 12 hours of night time.  But you know what, on the bright side he is a beautiful angel and won't always want to nurse or be held or rocked by me.  So even though it's 3am and I'm a total zombie, I'm going to love on this baby as long as I can.  When he goes and marries that bratty girl that I hate and leaves his mommy in the dust for someone else's bust, well I'm going to miss him and ache for him and wish he was still my sweet little boy.  So what if I stay in my pajamas until noon or later and just cuddle him up and take two hour naps in my bed with him.  So what if I'm a zombie before the afternoon sun is going.  I love my baby, and I am willing to sacrifice a few years of all nights sleep to keep him happy, healthy, and knowing that he's my #1 and loved.  So if you see me out and about and I stink or have totally forgotten makeup and a hairdo again, please smile and tell me I look great and smell beautiful.  I'll smile back and tell you my new fragrance is baby snot and puke.  Anyways, at least for today, I'm learning to get going, love life, and occasionally I do get a shower...most days. :)

Friday, October 5, 2012

Cry it out vs. love it out of em'

So I could do the cry it out thing right...I mean it swears to keep my kid sleeping soundly through the night for life.  Promises me little sleep for a few days but then it's over and he's a bona fide self soothing angel.  All I have to do is toughen him up by letting him scream bloody murder from his crib until he pukes his guts out and I have to go in there and clean him up and change his jammies and sheets and then start it over again while he's still screaming because now NOTHING will calm him down.

Yea...scratch that method.

So I could rock him like I always have and occasionally offer a boob to calm him down and let him fall peacefully asleep in my arms and lay him down drowsy and let him drift off to dream land.  Usually this does work for us, until...


TOP TEETH PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WORST THING EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He's getting top teeth.  You know they say if adults had to suffer the pain of teething we'd never make it through.  Well men wouldn't, women have been through worse struggles such as well...birthing that precious ball of love that's currently crying all night in pain.

So do I give him some pain meds and let him be?  Sometimes, it does help him out once in awhile but not always.

It's so funny to because twice this week we were just hanging out sitting on the couch with each other and both of us fell asleep.  Why can't night time be this easy?

So I did something crazy.  At midnight in my tired stupor I got on amazon.com and I bought something.  We're going to pray that this crazy impulse buy works.  I mean it has to right?  It has like 7 types of noises, a projector of 3 different neato pictures on the ceiling, a timer and it's voice activated and super neat blue light for nighttime.  It HAS to help!!

If you want to try one yourself it's the Munchkin Nursery Projector roughly 20-30 bucks depending on where you buy it.

I'll let you know....wish us luck. And why on earth can't night time be as easy as the daytime naps are????  In the words of my sis in law, this too shall pass.  But right now it sure feels more like Gandalf is on that bridge leading to perfectly good sleeping saying YOU SHALL NOT PASS.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Sorry I fell off the face of the earth...SLEEP ISSUES!

So I'm thinking about renaming this blog..."Please Can I Get Some Personal Time and Some Sleep!"

We are having sleep struggles.  Of course right when this occurs he's usually sick or fighting off something, or he's teething, so trying any new cry it out tactics is making me feel like about the size of an ant.  But man some days I really wish it were easier to just put this baby in his bed and let him go to sleep like all my cry it out friends swear happens.

I do have this one friend with great kids that both are in bed by 8pm meanwhile she has 10 women laughing hysterically in her house for two hours and you don't hear one peep.  She was a cry it out mom. 

So what have I really done wrong here?  Did allowing my son to nurse to sleep or rock and walk with him cause him to have lifelong problems.  Or do I follow Dr. Sears on this one and realize that if I left him to cry he'll have some severe psychological damage.  Who is right here?  Sleep methods are all over the place.  What's a confused new mom to do?  Who do you listen to?  If I listen to my own instincts you'll get a different idea every night.  If I google I just get more and more pissed at the conflicting results.  Not one method works for all, but what does work??? Because my kiddo still won't sleep good and still keeps waking up and freaking out and not going back to sleep without the boob and some cuddling.

Now I should be happy he likes to rock and cuddle right? But NO not all the time does he even like or want this.  Sometimes he throws a tantrum when I try things that used to work.  Sometimes he wants to just be left alone or put down.  How do you ever know what they want?  I sometimes wish he'd talk so I can just give him what he wants or reason with him that he needs to just stay in bed and shush until he's tired.

Babyhood is horribly hard.  Just told my friend I'd seriously buy him the moon if he'd be comfortable, calm and ok for the night.

Well he's screaming again and not stopping on his own this time so I'll stop here...


ISO MOON FOR SALE??? ANYONE??

Friday, May 11, 2012

SAHM and Wife's Ranthem!!

To my husband whom I adore but needs to understand more of what I do all day:

Here's a schedule of my day!  In case you forgot, my job is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks of the year.  I do NOT get paid vacation, I do NOT get sick days, I do NOT get a personal day, and I do NOT get a wonderful retirement at the end of my career path.

READ ON IF YOU DARE:

5:00am  baby wakes up crying.  i wake  you up and ask you to change the diaper so i don't nurse for an hour trying not to pee my pants.  you bring baby to bed and i prop up uncomfortably for a good 30 min and let this little thing suck and pull on my once perky and beautiful breast that now sag to the floor and are covered in the martyr lines and battle scars of birthing this little baby...stretch marks.

5:30am I beg you to please rock the baby so I can get some extra sleep.  After all you have to get up in 40 min to work and I do have to get up with the little one all day.  I'm sure  you are thinking that I get to sleep all day...wish it worked like that.

6:00am You leave for work and kiss me good-bye.  I pull the covers over my head and try to catch another 5-10 min of sleep.

6:10am The dogs have to pee. I get out of bed and let them outside. I realize that my breasts are like rocks and they must be pumped.  I get all the supplies washed and dried and set myself up to pump. This involves assembling puzzle like pieces and finding an outlet to plug into and washing more bottles to pump into and putting everything in order.  Then I realize the dogs are back inside but I'm already pumping and sitting there with nothing i can do other than hold these things to my saggy boobs (oh those stretch marks again) and wait for them to empty out into containers that I must then seal up and store in the freezer.

6:30am Pumping is done and baby wakes up before I completely get it all cleaned up.  I'll wash the parts later.  Time to get my cutie up for the day.  Change diaper, change clothing and find my phone in my bed.  Get dogs something to eat and let them back outside then sit down to nurse the baby again.  Dogs scratch at the door so i let them in still nursing my baby with boob hanging out for the neighbors to see. Finish nursing.

7:00am Playing with the cutie on the floor.  Trying to make him smile and keep him content.  Get him started on some back time on the floor with toys so I can work on last night's giant stack of dishes that weren't done.  Start putting some away when I hear baby crying.  Move baby to a bounce seat and try to work on dishes some more.  Crying again.  Move baby to the swing and work on dishes some more.  Crying again.  Move baby back to floor on tummy this time.  baby still freaking out.  realize it's been an hour and it's time to feed him breakfast.

8:10am mix rice cereal with breastmilk that was pumped earlier. warm it up then add fruit of choice.  baby shrieks and screams from being forced into captivity in his high chair while i stir it and taste it YUCKY to make sure it's not too hot.  Sit down to feed it to baby who gets it all over his sweet face and hands and then SCREAMS bloody murder at me while I try to clean it off.  Clean him up and nurse him for a quick drink.  Pull him off and pat him down for a nap since he's so cranky at this point he's completely beside himself and nothing I do will content him.  He finally drifts off to sleep and I realize that I've killed another hour of my day.

9:00am  Put baby down in crib.  Hold face in hands until he stops flailing.  Pray that he stays asleep for a few min.  Slowly walk out of room and close door.  Scamper back into kitchen to try and very quietly this time put away those dishes from last night.  Get them done and even have time to wipe down the counters and find spills of your coffee and creamer, your cheesey helper on the stove to wipe clean ext.  Realize the trash needs taken out but can't leave cutie alone inside the house for fear someone will run in my house and steal him away.  wish i had time to mop the floor and wipe down cabinets. oh another day....run down to see what our laundry situation looks like.  Clothes were left all night in the washer again and need rerun through since the heat of the summer makes them stink rotten if i don't.  rewash them.  Take the ones from the drier upstairs just in time to hear baby start to cry.  It's now been an hour and a half.

10:30am Get baby out of bed, change a diaper realizing the diaper pail is starting to reject diapers, again can't carry diaper trash and baby outside at the same time, carry baby back to the living room.  In the process must find cell phone, computer, and any other things I'll need close by.  He nurses while I catch up on texts or emails.  Researching baby feeding procedures, shot information, BPA free plastics, new car seat we'll never be able to afford, his insurance and dr. bills, sorting through breastfeeding information, questions about what to do with constipation, burping and puking too much, ext.  He finishes and wants to play.  I set him in the playroom and let him play for a bit.  I then have to use the bathroom.  By the time I finish in there he's crying again.  Didn't get a great nap in.  Wants another one but it's a fight to the death to get him to take one even though he's cranky and exhausted.  Finally he relaxes and goes to sleep.  It's been two hours now.

12:30pm  baby goes in crib again and I realize I have yet to eat a thing today.  go into kitchen to grab a meal.  i see huge stack of mail that hasn't been sorted and begin to thumb through coupons and bills and get rid of the junk mail and put things back in order.  I see your phone charger and go to return it to it's place which leads me into the living room to get my phone back on the charger in there since mine's dying.  then I realize the living room looks like babies r us exploded so i move all the baby bouncers and rockers and toys back into the play room.  i put away dog toys too. straighten up pillows that were never straightened up last night.  i put away pictures and books and magazines left out.  put away baby toys. and realize that the tv stand is very dusty.  i go back into the kitchen to the stack of bills i was working on to get dust stuff and set the dust stuff aside to finish sorting the mail.  baby starts crying.  it's been a half hour

1:00pm i change his diaper and take him into the kitchen and put him in his high chair.  I realize the dust stuff is still in there.  i fix him some veggie dinner and a bottle of milk and feed him the food, listen to him scream as i clean him up, then give him a bottle and burp until i'm covered in green puke.  then put him down in his jumperoo for a bit.  i go back into the kitchen  then i take the duster and dust all the living room and make my way into the playroom to dust too.  this makes me realize that it's a mess in there and i organize and straighten up baby's toys, books, clothing and more.  i need more diapers in my playroom bag so i sneak quietly into baby's room to get more.  i see a pile of clothes on the floor that need put away. i grab more diapers and run them back to the playroom.  i decide to get his to go bag ready for the next babysitter and get supplies back and forth. baby starts getting sick of the jumperoo and fussy and i realize that it's been another hour and a half

2:30pm i get baby and start to rock him to sleep again after much drama and crying of which i get up and stand and rock then sit down and rock then go outside and walk and talk and rock. finally he goes to sleep again as he desperately needs an afternoon nap as well.  i go to put him in his crib and he's not having that so i go through the whole process over again trying to get him down to nap.  this time i let him sleep on my body since he won't do anything else.  we both fall asleep since i'm starting to get tired and i nap about an hour with the worst position position to fall asleep in i can find and wake up with a huge kink in my neck and soreness.  he's still asleep so i move him to his swing hoping he'll stay down another hour. I realize that i haven't eaten yet so i make myself some lunch put it in microwave and see your cheese mess you left in there, wipe that out and warm up my meal, and sit down to eat it.

3:30pm baby wakes up. I go change a diaper and get him situated playing again.  i feel guilty that i haven't played with him all day so i sit down and read him a few books and play and hang out with him.  he gets mad and wants to eat.  we nurse together while my back aches because i'm still in the playroom on the floor.  i move to the sofa and find my lunch still there.  I try to eat with one hand and try to read an email or responses to my research in between bites. i may turn on the tv.  he finishes up and falls asleep again so i try to move him and once again he doesn't want moved.  he's so cranky that i know he needs his rest so again i'm a human bed and let him sleep on me.  when i think he's really out of it i try to put him down again this time on the couch beside me.  i might finish a show if i happened to turn the tv on while he slept and i was stuck there.

4:30pm as baby sleeps i check the laundry.  put some into the drier and bring up another load of dry clothing.  still haven't folded the other loads so i work on a few of those things and baby wakes up. change his diaper and phone rings,  it's you saying you are coming home from work now.  i take baby outside for the first time all day so he'll seem happy for you when you get here.  you find us smiling and giggling in the backyard playing outside.  dogs are happy to see you as well.  you change and shower and i get baby back inside.  you take him while i make dinner.  you nap usually at this point.  i get dinner ready and sometimes baby is napping so we eat in peace, most of the time we eat in tandem so one person enjoys while the other does baby duty.  then we feed baby his supper.

6:30pm baby finishes dinner to a fuss from wiping his face again and then nurses for a little while.  then he plays with you and me off and on until bath time.

7:30pm bath time arrives and i get him started on it.  some night you start him on it but usually holler at me to get his jammies or a diaper or towel.  together we make this happen and get him lotioned up and in jammies.  he had bad naps today so he wants to nurse again and go back to sleep.  i nurse and put him to bed.

8:00pm house is quiet. we decide to watch shows after one of us feeds the dogs and lets them outside.  their barking wakes the baby.  he pukes all over us both and finally goes back to sleep again.

9:30 we still haven't finished a show but you give up and go to bed.  i stay up and watch  the ending and then clean the living room up.  get the dishes ready to be washed the next day or wash them now why not.  Then I clean down the kitchen and get my pumping supplies in the sink for tomorrow.  I sometimes load the dishwasher and start it.  No matter what i do i'm still up late and there will still be more to do tomorrow.

10:45pm I sit down to relax on the computer for a bit. i talk to family on facebook, check emails, work on pampered chef orders, look for a job for tomorrow on aesop (subtitute teacher) find one and line up a baby sitter as well.  back up baby's bag and milk and get everything ready.

11:30pm i finish getting ready for tomorrow and come to bed.  i sit down on the toilet for the first time all day with no worries of the baby crying at me with no one to help me.  i think and think about my day. process it all out, read my book to escape it all, take my time and enjoy my emptying of my bowels.  Then I brush my teeth and hop in bed.  My head hits the pillow.  I push dogs out of the way.  You forgot to put them in the kennel yet again.  guess we won't have sex tonight.  we won't even kiss or cuddle. you are snoring since you've been passed out since 9:30pm.  Oh well. I think some more.

1:46am I finally fall asleep and awake at 6:15am to my cute crying son.  I nudge you to please do me a favor and get him for me.  Oh wait you are already gone to work.  My turn again.



This is kinda a look into my day.  It's not hardly everything.  I forget to mention that every time I change rooms i have to refind my phone.  I also don't mention that 60% of the things I'm cleaning up aren't mine.

I know you work hard.  I love you for that.  I do appreciate all you do for me and how tired you must be.  If you spent more time talking to about your day I'd prob realize how hard it is on you.  But for now, for this one time, this one's about ME and MY day.  And it would be nice to feel more appreciated too, and even nicer to get some flowers, or jewelry, or a day off to do something like get a massage you booked me. Or a pedicure.  Or a shopping spree.  Anything that you thought up all by yourself to treat me.  And yes we need more dinners together.  And more romance.  And it's hard with a baby and you and I are both too tired.  But hey, at least now you know how my day is spent.  That I do appreciate you...and that I deserve some appreciation and a little more understanding too.


AND I STILL NEED TO TAKE A SHOWER SOMETIME TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Super Woman Must Have Been a Housewife

There's no other way to get around it folks...superwoman was defiantly a housewife.  Forget this comic book hero crap.  She was the woman that got married and made babies then decided to give up her entire existence to love and care for them.  She's the woman that decided that the most important people in her life are her family and tirelessly works to serve them.  Superwoman is the wife that has a warm dinner on the table even when her darling husband comes home at midnight.  She's the mom who works hard to get her little one calmed down after his shots and off to bed constantly checking in on him and checking for a fever or rash.  She's the woman who in the middle of her day with her son and his first shots takes time out to run over to the hospital to comfort some family members while they are worried over someone who is very sick.  She then comes home and helps put the baby to bed and gets up feeling her stress and exhaustion and just deals with her headache and gets up for the day and gets going.  She does all the laundry and dishes, cleans up her house, and makes sure there are plenty of towels and soaps in the guest bath.  She washes the guest room sheets in case family needs to stay with her and she goes ahead and washes her own sheets after a week of spit up stains built up on them.  She is still up past 10pm despite her tiredness because she can't sleep without her man her SUPER man beside her at night.  She also knows he needs to eat something when he gets home and she wants to be there waiting up to greet him.  She also while waiting works on the laundry again to catch it all up.  She misses her mom and her husband and is very lonely but just deals with that as well because she knows her man is working hard to provide for her.

Superwoman isn't a comic book hero.  She doesn't fight crime but rather fights illness and dirty houses.  She doesn't wear some sexy tight costume but aprons, spit up stained t-shirts, and nursing tank tops.

She teaches her family about God and how Jesus loves them and without His grace and mercy they wouldn't have nearly as wonderful a life as they do.

She makes healthy meals for them and tries to keep herself full so she can nourish and feed her new baby every two hours.

She wakes up no matter how sick or tired she is to nurse that baby back to sleep and keep him happy and fed.

She makes time for her husband even when she's tired or has a headache because if she just keeps him happy and shows him attention and love he'll be a better husband and friend.

She even has time to take the dogs outside and feed them each day while walking around with the baby still eating from her breast and surely the neighbors see her at the door with her shirt up.

But she does it all because she's superwoman...superwife...supermom...SUPER WOMAN!

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Why Does Everyone Think They Know My Baby Better Than Me?

This post has been a long time coming but I'm finally ready to state the facts.  Everyone thinks they know more about your child than you do.  Your mom, your aunts, your father, uncles, cousins, other moms, friends, random old ladies esp. church ladies, random people in the grocery store, random people at the park, all the people who pass you by with your little one, and any woman who ever had a baby before.  They all think they know your baby better than you do as his/her mother. 

Well guess what people of the world...the truth is...NO ONE knows a baby better than their mother.

My child and I have a connection that started from the moment I conceived him and that connection runs way deeper than anything you think you have with my baby.  Not to mention he knows his mom better than you, he responds to his mom better than any other human and it's increasingly frustrating to hear someone constantly try and FIX a child that there is nothing wrong with.

Please people this baby isn't your baby, isn't your daughter's baby, your son's baby, your cousin's aunt Jenny's great-niece's friend's baby.  This is MY baby and I know what to do with him.  I may be a first time mom and a bit green, but I'm getting this kid figured out.  I spend 24/7 with him and I'd think I know what I'm doing.  I know if he has gas or a tummy ache (he doesn't).  I know when he's sick or fussing because he's just sleepy and needs a nap.  I know how to soothe him even if it take me a little while to get there.  I also know when he's colic and fussing non stop all day long if he's not asleep (hard to get him to do that) or eating (very very easy to get him to do that).   Just trust me everyone, unless I ASK you for advice, I don't want it.  When I ask for help with colic and how to handle it, I don't need to stop breast feeding, don't need to learn how to stop him from ever having gas, don't want your advice on how to give him all these weird things to do to keep him happy.  I want ideas on keeping him happy not changing every thing about him.  And please unless I ask you do not offer advice.  It's annoying, it drives me up the wall, and I'm getting tired of trying to politely decline or disagree with you people that think you are doctors or smarter than doctors or that doctors are trying to only make money off me and have never had kids themselves (YES most of them have).

Anyways that's my rant of the day and I really wish you would respect me as a mom and understand that I know my own baby and I can take care of him.  When I have a question I'll go to the doctor, nurses, friends, and Senor Google.  If I come to you please feel free to give me a little advice, but don't give more than asked for and don't push it if I don't think your advice is working or would work for my child.  No I will not just TRY it out, it won't work I've either already tried it, or I know well enough it's not going to work for us.

Thanks.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Six Week FREAK OUT!

We've had a lot of trouble the last couple days.  About noon Sunday LAD started to fuss and he didn't stop the entire night and next day.  He was hard to get down for naps, impossible to hold and play with, hard to keep fed because he always wanted more, and just an all over difficult baby.  I knew it wasn't his fault, and I figured the hunger was brought on by a big growth spurt, but nonetheless I still got frustrated and exhausted and just wanted him happy again.  I kept clinging to these pictures on my phone taken minutes before the fall out of him grinning huge and so happy.  What had happened to my little happy baby.  The baby the would easily be soothed and always wanted to smile and talk to me?  It was horrible.  He cried no matter who held him and no matter how he was held.  He didn't like anything and believe me we tried all the tricks.  I finally went to my best friend Senor Google.  Senor Google told me that lots of moms out there experienced a six week fall out.  It's a growth spurt age that makes a starving and cranky child.  After learning that it was much easier to realize that soon it would all be over with and he'd be on the road to a happier baby and sleeping through the night (eventually).  You know it's so hard with the sleeping thing, I thought our new bath routine was really working because he was sleeping almost 5 hours a night.  Then the six week fallout came and it's barely two-three hours again.  I struggle daily with wanting to give up breastfeeding because not only is he still not sleeping good, but I'm STILL cracked to all hell on the right side.  I've tried nastatin ointment, triple antibiotic ointment, something I'd never heard of called Gentian Violet.  Nothing is really working.  Still huge crack and still very sore....will it ever end?  And I know moms who use formula are already enjoying a full night's sleep.  I wish it were me.  But I also learned a new manta from another Senor Google search.  "NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR WORST DAY, ONLY GIVE IT UP ON YOUR BEST DAY!" So onward we press still breastfeeding every two hours, still exhausted, but still very much in love and awe of what I have created and am starting to raise, and teach.  More on teaching later...

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

MONSTER BALLADS

Went to the doctor today for my first 6 week post partum check up.  Everything is great.  We got the green light to resume our romantic relationship which was a huge relief to my DH (darling husband).  6 weeks was torture for the both of us.  I don't know if you other moms can remember those weeks of misery.  Sleep deprivation, angry, frustrated, grouchy, beginning to wonder if you married an alien because you can't remember anything about them that's the same anymore.  Anyways the dry spell has finally ended much to both our satisfaction and happiness.

We have also broken new ground in establishing a bedtime routine.  Feed, bath, story, rocking, bed.  And it's working.  We've also discovered our son must have reflux because after starting him on prevacid we've had wonderful three-four hour sleep sessions with intermittent night feedings in between, but no more horrible screaming up all night moments thus far.  And no more puking load after load of spit up all over everyone and everything.  Sure he still spits up, but believe me it's less than it was.

So anyways after another bedtime routine done and gone and a sweet angelic baby sleeping in his pack n play bassinet next to our bed we decided what lullaby CD to play.  Normally our go to music of choice is always an edition of Rockabye Baby with our favorite classic rock ballads in lullaby form.  I almost reached for Journey's edition, but stopped short realizing that if I had to listen to lullaby anything the mood I wanted for "later" would NOT be happening.  So what's a mom to do?  Baby has to have soft music to sleep to, and momma has to have sexy time music of some capacity.

I grabbed Monster Ballads.  The greatest CD ever invented anyway for it's vast array of beautiful classic rock ballads.  It worked like a charm.  It gave my son his lullaby and he's still sleeping nearly two and a half hours later, and it gave my DH and I some much needed romantic music for our rekindle.

I'm now hoping for a week full of smiles and goofy childplay between DH and I.  Hoping for less grouchy and more groping.  Less cranky and more hanky panky.  And hopefully a happier more harmonies household that not only has it's fire relit, but also has it's sleep tanks refueled by the new sleep we are getting finally.

Thanks again for reading my babbles. Hope you enjoy...no really...get off the computer and go grab your significant other and make some time to have you own Monster Ballads sessions.


Saturday, February 4, 2012

SAHM and GTWD

Here we are the wonderful world of SAHM (Stay at home moms) who give their everything to make the home wonderful and take care of their children.  Some call us home makers, housewives, domestic goddesses, what have you.  We are in charge of this household.  We have to keep the kids alive, the house from burning down, and the husband well...happy.

Then the story gets challenging, it's more than a boy meets girl story.  The SAHM meets the GTWD (Go to work dad).  He is handsome, helpful, outgoing, wonderful.  But he's also working 10 hour shifts every day to try and keep his family fed and clothed.  The SAHM loves her GTWD with all her heart and soul, but there are days when she complains to him that if only he'd just be home more.  Can he please talk to his bosses about moving to a location closer to home?  Can he please not work so many hours?  Will he ever be able to just spend all his time with her and their children?  Why? WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe you have heard a similar story.  Maybe you get where I'm coming from here.  Anyone out there have a husband that works long hours and you know he's only doing it for you but you still feel like because of all those hours you're just not getting enough.  Every day off is a day of errands and things you can't do without him because of the new baby.  You never really have time to relax, play, enjoy each other's company without being stopped by the baby's needs or the need to get something done you never have a chance to do on a regular alone day.  You just need a honeymoon again or something like it.  Even an overnight together to get away from all your job duties (him=work, you=baby).  Life used to be easier you think to yourself.  You remember the day when you used to celebrate this giant pregnant body and look forward to the days of raising this perfect, happy infant together.  Then reality sets in.  The newborn is exhausting, needy, and takes up so much of that time you once spent doing fun things together.  Not only that but the newborn is expensive.  So that means if one of you is going to provide "free" childcare in the expense world, then one of you has to keep a really good job.  This might mean extra shifts, or a big promotion as was our case.  The promotion was such a glamorous thing at first.  Hey who doesn't like more money?  But with it came the transfer and more hours and much more stress and responsibility on the GTWD.  Now it's an hour commute every day, plus a 10-12 hour shift each of those days.  Life got harder on both of them.  Things in marital bliss started to slip a bit more and more each day.  SAHM felt like she was loosing more and more of herself as she hides away from the world.  She's loosing her sense of self in her sweat pants and pony tails with no make up on.  And GTWD is loosing himself in piles of work and killing himself to make a living so she doesn't have to worry.  But he worries.  He worries all the time.  Things are getting harder at work and he's scared that the big cuts and changes may trickle down and get him too eventually.  For now he's secure.  He's lucky that he was moved up right before all the changes took place.  They are both lucky.  In fact they don't realize how lucky they really are.  Their petty complaints about spending more time together are actually just whining, but they can't help it.  So where does a SAHM and GTWD go from here.  They really don't have a choice.  They just continue their roles and try to find time together.  Maybe grandma will help when she stays with them to help out.  Maybe in the future GTWD looks for another job?  Maybe SAHM also goes back to work and the little one ends up being raised by someone else?  Who knows what the future really holds.  But they know they have to hold onto one another and do their best.  And so continues the neverending saga that is modern life in 2012.  Be thankful you have a job at all.  And be even more thankful if you don't need to work to survive and get the unique and wonderful opportunity to be a home maker.  Never see each other and watch GTWD kill himself to provide.  But it's how it is.  Be happy, be thankful, and be satisfied you're alive and have everything you could ever dream of.  Just be HAPPY and Praise God for the blessings.

What a rant that was!

And here's a picture to show how awesome we all are as SAHM

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Somewhere Between All Natural and Medical

My latest self debate has been trying to find my place between the "all natural" moms and the "medical" moms.  You know both types, the "all natural" mom who is all about steering clear of any products that may have cancer causing chemicals or bad things in them, the ones that only give their children herbal remedies and listen to old wives tales, the mom that refuses to listen to a Dr.'s advice and goes out to get their child some more vitamins and remedies.  It's the mom that believes that the experience of other mothers is much more informational and accurate than anyone that's been doing research or studying pediatrics for years.  They are the ones that swear what you eat causes your baby's tummy aches and that something in your house smells funny or sounds strange or the room your baby is in is scaring them into their fits and that colic has an easy cure if you can just find out what is really wrong.  These moms rely on faith and nature and nurture to get through motherhood and baby phases.

Then there's the "medical" moms.  These moms are well versed in the What to Expect books, they research and study and read medical journals, they ask their nursing friends for advice and always trust their doctors.  They listen to research and the changing knowledge and then new medical views and advice, they read magazines that give them tips based on facts and science.  These moms are all about using things that are doctor or hospital recommended.  They believe in changing everything that worked for them before because now it's the wrong thing and new research says to do it another way.


So here's the dilemma I face...
Where do I stand in between both these types of moms.  I'm not 100% natural and holistic, but I'm not 100% into only what the doctors and nurses and research says either.  I feel like I'm somewhere in the middle and it's working for me.  I believe in giving my baby the best start in life.  I believe that God gave us the ability to breastfeed so it's best for baby and for me.  I believe that we shouldn't expose our newborns to harsh chemicals and that natural products are great for little ones such as California Baby versus Johnsons and Johnsons shampoos.  I like that kind of stuff.  I'm all for natural baby food that I will work hard to puree myself and not into formula or canned and processed baby foods.  Having said all that, I have too many OB and Neonatal nurse friends to not listen to the logic of sound research and medicine.  Lots of great advice and good knowledge comes from people who have studied and spent years learning about that research and what has been discovered by other nurses and doctors and lots of experience with moms and babies.  So yes I do believe in the current research on topics like banning crib bumpers and back to sleep campaigns.  I know that for years people put babies to bed on their tummies or sides, but I'd rather listen to my doctor and trust them in helping to reduce our risks for SIDS. I have struggles hearing family members talk about how they've always done things a certain way and it was a tried and true method and works.  I do believe that old wives tales have some truth behind them or they wouldn't exist, but I don't rely on wives tales as how I should be a mom to my son.  I really think doctors probably know what they are talking about, but that doesn't mean all doctors have ever been mothers and really truly understand what it means to love and nurture a newborn like an auntie or grandmother does. 

So in closing I am somewhere in between and I think that's right where my son needs for me to be.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Worries and Woes

Welcome to motherhood...the endless land of worry.

I worry about my son 24/7.  Is he eating enough, is he eating too much, is he breathing normal or sounding wheezy or stuffy?  Is this spit up ok and normal or should we talk to the doctor about reflux and problems. 

It's like I'm never confident in anything that I do.  I feel like I'm learning something new for the first time, which I guess I am, but this is a HUMAN LIFE here.  I have to keep him safe, well, and happy.  And I'm not totally sure I'm qualified to do those things.  I make so many mistakes.  I know this because he's not happy, he's crying.  He cries when he's hungry and I've about figured that one out from the other cries.  It's those screaming, painful, hurting cries that I can't figure out very well.

Today my son woke up screaming, it was the horrible kind that I just knew something was wrong.  After burping him several times and getting covered in thick spit up, I lay him across my legs on his tummy, and he threw up even more all over me.  He screamed and spit up, and spit up and screamed.  It was awful.  At one point he gave me that "help me" eyes and I just about lost myself.  That hurts my heart so bad to see him in pain and practically begging me to help him with his tear filled baby eyes. 

So I just kept trying and holding him and loving him, I did everything I could and finally he felt better, soothed to sleep and is doing ok now.

Being a mom is hard work.  It's a worrying job.  I never will feel totally confident in this first go round and probably keep learning with this child and then be a total pro with the second one and/or third one(s).

Anyways, say a quick prayer that we figure this out.  I'm worrying about reflux now.  Hope I'm just a worry wort and wrong about this.

Friday, January 27, 2012

Living a Zombie Lifestyle

I used to be the type of person that would sleep 10 hours.  Practically every day I'd have to have about 10 hours of sleep.  I asked the Dr. about it and they said for some people that's their normal.

Then I had a baby.  Now I'm so happy and refreshed after about a 3 consecutive hour sleep.  It's amazing how I can force myself awake at the tiniest peep and get all ready to nurse my son no matter what the clock says.  For the first few sleep deprived nights I admit I got a little bit frustrated at getting woken up and feeling so out of it, but now I honestly cherish every single middle of the night feeding and don't mind the sleep deprived person I am because I LOVE these little moments of awake times with my son.

Yesterday he was so tired and quiet nearly all day long and you know it sounds nuts but I wanted him to wake up a little upset because at least then he needed me.  I wanted him to need me.  But he didn't all day and all evening UNTIL about 11pm when I came home from a "Mom's Night Out" which by the way was a wonderful couple of hours with other stay at home moms and I highly suggest anyone that can join a mom's group.  Anyway LAD was up until 1am but then slept for four hours so it wasn't so bad.  Anyways long story short, I love my baby, don't mind never sleeping 8 hours straight through and wouldn't change these little moments for the world since they don't last too long and it's just so darn precious.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Public Display of Hooters...

So I mentioned yesterday that we would have a discussion on nursing aka breastfeeding in public.

Legally in the state of Missouri where I currently reside it is 100% legal to expose one's self in a public place for the purpose of feeding an infant child.

Here is the current law which also asks that hospitals provide breastfeeding information as well as lactation consultants and information about breastfeeding support groups.
http://breastfeedinglaws.uslegal.com/state-laws/missouri-breast-feeding-laws/

So my thoughts on the matter are as follows:

Breastfeeding a baby is the most beautiful and wonderful thing a mother can do.  The benefits are amazing for both physical health for mom and babe as well as emotional and mental heath.  I honestly believe breastfeeding him is preventing me from becoming a post-partum depression case because the endorphins being released while nursing him make me so happy and takes away any feelings of frustration I may have experienced if I weren't nursing.

I love nursing my son, even with a month of problems on my right breast where the pain radiated through my entire body, to a cracked nipple that just wouldn't heal, to having to use yeast cream and triple antibiotic ointment on my breast to help heal the deepest crack a human could have on a nipple, it's all worth it to see him happy and smiling after he's been fed.

Pause I am being summoned to feed...

Ok I'm back FINALLY. :) Anyways I'm all for breastfeeding.  Having said that and shown my opinions on the benefits of it and how great it really is for everyone involved, I am not a huge fan of PDH (Public Display of the Hooters).

What I mean is that nursing is great, and nursing in public is something we all have to do at times.  But there are things called Hooter Hiders (nursing covers) and there are dressing rooms and sometimes even nice nursing rooms or family areas with nursing spaces that we can use.  I'm 100% against using a public bathroom because that's just gross and who wants to eat their steak dinner on a public toilet.  So if no private areas can be found, sure nurse your child in public.  Nurse right at the restuarant table if you need to, whatever makes that little bundle happy.  But cover yourself up!  No one should have to see your boob.  Just because it's legal doesn't make it right.  If my son was 7 years old and had to go to a store or restuarant and see some woman's breast even if it was to nurse her child, I as a parent would be a bit upset and have a lot of explaining to do to my son when I get home.  There's really no reason to completely expose the breast when feeding.  Most of us get experienced enough to feed a baby with a blanket or our shirts hiding the "goods". 

So as you can see I'm all for nursing in public and think it's a wonderful thing to do and if anyone has a problem with it they will learn what mamma bear's fury is all about, but I will vow right here and now to always keep my nursing discreet and private as much as I can and not just WHIP IT OUT for the whole world to see. :)

Thanks for listening and please comment your opinions and thoughts on public nursing and whether it is ok to expose it or leave it "under wraps" or whether you are so grossed out that you don't even like to see it happen even with a cover-up (which if you feel that way you're going to hate me).

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I used to be the one staring...

Well we decided today to get out and shop with our little dude.  Went to Babies R Us and Buy Buy Baby for a few coupon spends.  Got really lucky with a JUMBO pack of pampers swaddlers (my favorites) and was able to actually use several manufacturers coupons with a store coupon and got a 210 pack of diapers and a jumbo thing of dreft for about $53 bucks.  Sounds like a lot but we saved over $21 in coupons so I felt GREAT!  We also got a pee pee teepee for our son's wee wee LOL!  We got two new Rockabye Baby CDs, the Beatles 2 and the Queen ones.  LOVE THEM!  We also got a drying rack and me some Motherhood jammies.  It was a good shopping trip.  Thanks to both stores for having awesome nursing rooms for us moms because it sure kept my baby happy for those trips.

Now for the good part, we tried to go to Joe's Crab Shack for the first time.  Not the best place to go with a newborn because you get covered in spices and juices from the meat and it's very hard to crack crab with a newborn in your arms.  I used to be the one staring at all these babies bawling and wish the parents would stop the crying and take the kid out of the room or away from us so we could enjoy the quiet.  Now here I am a new mom and my kid was crying and I did take him to the bathroom to change him, I tried to comfort and quiet him but even after the change he was still mad.  So with him bawling I took him back to the table, got lots of evil looks and stares, and I fed him a pumped bottle of breastmilk and didn't enjoy my meal that much until after he was full and sleepy again.  Thank heavens he went back to sleep and I was able to enjoy my dinner and my hubbie helped keep him calm.  Note to self: It's very hard to put a pacifier in a baby's mouth when you're hands are covered in spices and goo.  Another note to self: Newborns may sleep a lot but it's still not easy to go to dinner with a baby PERIOD.

At some point I decided that even though I used to stare at others and their annoying crying babies and kids throwing tantrums, I am now a mother and will probably be stared at for several more years as my little guy grows and goes through these same phases.  There's not much I can do about it, and why should I have to give up a meal just so others can enjoy the quiet time of theirs? :)  So stare away people, I'm not going to stop eating where I want to eat just because you don't like to hear my baby cry.  It's not like I don't immediately try to quiet and comfort him and you can just mind your own darn business GOT IT?

And for my next post, we'll discuss nursing in public and how people can just get past their feelings on that topic as well.  If my girls are covered up and you can't see them what on earth is the problem?  My son is hungry and I need to feed him.  Now I haven't actually nursing him in public YET, but that day is coming and I dare anyone to say something negative about it to my face :) This mamma bear will defin go off on whoever dares be the first to complain about it.

Monday, January 23, 2012

10 Reasons Why June Cleaver Can Suck It

10. Real domestic housewives don't look that good, we wear sweatpants and baggy t-shirts covered in spit up and sometimes even poop.  We don't shower daily or always wear our makeup, and  you are lucky to get us in a dress more than once a year for someone's wedding and even then we prefer pants suits.  Our hair is either up in ponytails or cut off short so we don't have to deal with it.  We don't wear pearls because our babies would break them.  We actually look a lot more like homeless people than the vibrant and sexy young women we used to be before children.

9. Real mothers aren't sweet and perfect all the time.  We get frustrated, we get angry, we stomp our feet, we ball our fists, we yell, we curse like sailors, we hate everyone and everything sometimes, we have hormones that we cannot control, we fight and cry, we're exhausted and sometimes mean and cranky.  We make a ton of mistakes and then cry some more because we feel incompetent and don't know what to do when our baby is freaking out on us.  We are real women with real feelings and emotions that sometimes explode on us with no warning.

8. Real stay at home moms don't always have the house in perfect order and dinner on the table.  In fact we rarely ever have a clean house and anything done by the end of the day.  We'll gladly trade in laundry and dishes for an extra much needed nap.  Dinner is usually from a box from the freezer because who has time for big meals with a newborn baby?  We are lucky if once a week we lift a hand to chores rather than lift our infant to our shoulders for burp sessions.

7. Our real life husbands aren't perfect and wonderful when they come home from work ALL the time.  Sometimes they come home pissed off at their jobs and do take it out on us.  Sometimes they are allowed to have a bad day and not be full of flower bouquets and chocolates for their favorite lady.  In fact we're lucky if we get those any time of the year it's not "expected" of them.  They get angry sometimes, they expect too much out of us, they don't realize that even though they got up at 6am we were up at 12am, 2am, 4am, AND 6am and also the entire rest of the day and next night every two-three hours.  They are whiney, they complain, they can get annoying, they want too much, they are grouchy, they are rude, and they are a plain old pain in the butt sometimes.  Sure we love em', we couldn't do it without em' and thanks to their hard work we are home with our children all day, but geez they sure are NOT Ward Cleaver and far from perfect.

6. Our real life children are not nearly as easy to please, discipline, or care for as Wally and the Beave.  Our children throw tantrums, are inconsolable, irrational, crazy, wild, a total mess, don't always listen to our advice, don't like us, get in trouble at school, get in trouble after school, don't go to bed by 8pm every night after a bedtime routine, don't eat all their vegetables or even anything at all, and act up about 90% of the time even with strong discipline, sound moral doctrine, and all the love and patience we try to give them.  Did I mention they also cost a ton?

5. Unlike June staying home actually drives us crazy even though we'd rather not work either.  We walk a thin line between wishing we could just go to work like our husbands and escape this crazy human being at home with us and freaking out because daycares and babysitters terrify the crap outta us and we know that there is NO ONE on this planet that will love our babies as much as we do nor have the patience and tolerance to deal with them and love them through every fit or tantrum like we can.  We fear that people will harm our child, not properly clean or care for our child, and we wouldn't dream of giving up this crazy and insane daily life and going back to some mundane job just to escape the exhausting days spent at home because deep down we don't mind the mess, the fussing, the constant need for our attention, in fact we thrive on this time and we love the rewards of seeing our little ones grow and learn and change before our eyes daily.

4. We don't feel bad about having a drink with the girls when our weeks have been stressful.  Sure you don't catch Miss Perfect out on the town dancing and shaking her money maker with a couple cocktails in her, but believe me they just aren't showing you the truth.  We ladies need each other, we need to gripe it out together, have a drink or even a soda or coffee and spend the day or night with other adults venting, relaxing, letting our hair down and just being girls for a few hours.

3. We actually have girl pals and our lives don't completely revolve around the men in them despite what the men in them think.  As stated above, girl time is very important to our sanity and our emotional health.  Without our friends and play date pals and other moms we wouldn't make it, we'd have given up years ago and went back to work just to socialize, and we'd have no one in our lives to laugh and cry with, to hug us when our days were hard and the husband couldn't possibly know what it feels like to be a mom, and to slap us when we think about giving up the best JOB on earth and tell us we can do this, we're in it together, and we totally rock.

2. We honestly love our children and our husbands with all our hearts and soul even though unlike June we don't always have the smiling face to prove it.  We put on the hard and worn face of exhaustion, frustration, starvation due to never getting a hot meal but always making them for someone else to eat, and just plain over it when our days are rough and we just can't manage a smile let alone laughing about it.  But deep down we enjoy every second, we want to make our men happy.  We adore our little bundles of joy and we wouldn't want it any other way.

1. She makes this housewife thing look too easy and we want to thank her for ruining reality for us.  This is the HARDEST job on the planet and anyone who says differently has never been a full time mom.  We have the task of not only raising tomorrow's young minds who will one day change the world for good or bad, but we have to teach them, discipline them, feed them, clothe them, drive them around, encourage them, nurture them, be their mom, teacher, chef, daycare, cleaners, chauffeur, butler, and many more things and we don't even so much as hear a thank you most days.  We also have to be a wife, friend, confidant, lover, caretaker, companion, and much more to a man that we adore and who sometimes forgets that flowers on a random day would go a long way.  But we do it all anyways because we love our families, we are powerful, strong, courageous, and AMAZING moms, wives, homemakers, and we are WAY WAY BETTER THAN June Cleaver.

I'm Covered In Spit Up...Please Let Me Take a Shower Today

Today is Monday.

My day began with spit up.

My day ended with spit up.

When I woke up this morning to the sound of my son's crying I thought to myself, self it is now 6am and I'm still tired, but I can't wait to lift this beautiful face up for a kiss.  I went to the bassinet next to my bed (which by the way is a Fisher Price Rock and Play Sleeper and I highly recommend it) and I lifted my lovely son to my chest for some morning cuddle time.  Instantly as I pull him towards my body I get covered in baby puke.  I'm talking covered here.  The kind of covered that you have to change all of your clothing, his clothing, his blankets, and while you're at it might as well get that diaper done too.

After I cleaned up the disaster that used to be my comfortable (yeah right) pajamas, I fed the little guy and you can probably guess where that leads...yes, more spit up.

So the day went fairly well with good naps and a happy every two hour eating schedule.

About the end of my day (by which I mean the part of it I spend alone) I was doing some chest to chest tummy time with LAD (my son's initials) and ended up with a shirt covered in spit up.  The sticky disgusting kind that gets all over and can't really be wiped off without just starting over and changing everyone's clothes again.

Needless to say I still did not shower today so when the hubbie got home I wrote this blog, and finally took my much deserved shower (UPDATE: Did not get to shower because someone woke up and decided they just HAD to eat and there was no waiting about it.) and got out of the spit up infested outfit I was still wearing when he got home.

Eventually I will shower and have taco night, watch the bachelor, and hopefully a have relaxing night interrupted only by constant need to feed a hungry newborn boy.

I hope you enjoy my new mommy blog.  Hope it brings you humor and joy.  And I bet you know exactly what I'm talking about in the never ending battle of spit up, and begging for a shower.