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Monday, January 23, 2012

10 Reasons Why June Cleaver Can Suck It

10. Real domestic housewives don't look that good, we wear sweatpants and baggy t-shirts covered in spit up and sometimes even poop.  We don't shower daily or always wear our makeup, and  you are lucky to get us in a dress more than once a year for someone's wedding and even then we prefer pants suits.  Our hair is either up in ponytails or cut off short so we don't have to deal with it.  We don't wear pearls because our babies would break them.  We actually look a lot more like homeless people than the vibrant and sexy young women we used to be before children.

9. Real mothers aren't sweet and perfect all the time.  We get frustrated, we get angry, we stomp our feet, we ball our fists, we yell, we curse like sailors, we hate everyone and everything sometimes, we have hormones that we cannot control, we fight and cry, we're exhausted and sometimes mean and cranky.  We make a ton of mistakes and then cry some more because we feel incompetent and don't know what to do when our baby is freaking out on us.  We are real women with real feelings and emotions that sometimes explode on us with no warning.

8. Real stay at home moms don't always have the house in perfect order and dinner on the table.  In fact we rarely ever have a clean house and anything done by the end of the day.  We'll gladly trade in laundry and dishes for an extra much needed nap.  Dinner is usually from a box from the freezer because who has time for big meals with a newborn baby?  We are lucky if once a week we lift a hand to chores rather than lift our infant to our shoulders for burp sessions.

7. Our real life husbands aren't perfect and wonderful when they come home from work ALL the time.  Sometimes they come home pissed off at their jobs and do take it out on us.  Sometimes they are allowed to have a bad day and not be full of flower bouquets and chocolates for their favorite lady.  In fact we're lucky if we get those any time of the year it's not "expected" of them.  They get angry sometimes, they expect too much out of us, they don't realize that even though they got up at 6am we were up at 12am, 2am, 4am, AND 6am and also the entire rest of the day and next night every two-three hours.  They are whiney, they complain, they can get annoying, they want too much, they are grouchy, they are rude, and they are a plain old pain in the butt sometimes.  Sure we love em', we couldn't do it without em' and thanks to their hard work we are home with our children all day, but geez they sure are NOT Ward Cleaver and far from perfect.

6. Our real life children are not nearly as easy to please, discipline, or care for as Wally and the Beave.  Our children throw tantrums, are inconsolable, irrational, crazy, wild, a total mess, don't always listen to our advice, don't like us, get in trouble at school, get in trouble after school, don't go to bed by 8pm every night after a bedtime routine, don't eat all their vegetables or even anything at all, and act up about 90% of the time even with strong discipline, sound moral doctrine, and all the love and patience we try to give them.  Did I mention they also cost a ton?

5. Unlike June staying home actually drives us crazy even though we'd rather not work either.  We walk a thin line between wishing we could just go to work like our husbands and escape this crazy human being at home with us and freaking out because daycares and babysitters terrify the crap outta us and we know that there is NO ONE on this planet that will love our babies as much as we do nor have the patience and tolerance to deal with them and love them through every fit or tantrum like we can.  We fear that people will harm our child, not properly clean or care for our child, and we wouldn't dream of giving up this crazy and insane daily life and going back to some mundane job just to escape the exhausting days spent at home because deep down we don't mind the mess, the fussing, the constant need for our attention, in fact we thrive on this time and we love the rewards of seeing our little ones grow and learn and change before our eyes daily.

4. We don't feel bad about having a drink with the girls when our weeks have been stressful.  Sure you don't catch Miss Perfect out on the town dancing and shaking her money maker with a couple cocktails in her, but believe me they just aren't showing you the truth.  We ladies need each other, we need to gripe it out together, have a drink or even a soda or coffee and spend the day or night with other adults venting, relaxing, letting our hair down and just being girls for a few hours.

3. We actually have girl pals and our lives don't completely revolve around the men in them despite what the men in them think.  As stated above, girl time is very important to our sanity and our emotional health.  Without our friends and play date pals and other moms we wouldn't make it, we'd have given up years ago and went back to work just to socialize, and we'd have no one in our lives to laugh and cry with, to hug us when our days were hard and the husband couldn't possibly know what it feels like to be a mom, and to slap us when we think about giving up the best JOB on earth and tell us we can do this, we're in it together, and we totally rock.

2. We honestly love our children and our husbands with all our hearts and soul even though unlike June we don't always have the smiling face to prove it.  We put on the hard and worn face of exhaustion, frustration, starvation due to never getting a hot meal but always making them for someone else to eat, and just plain over it when our days are rough and we just can't manage a smile let alone laughing about it.  But deep down we enjoy every second, we want to make our men happy.  We adore our little bundles of joy and we wouldn't want it any other way.

1. She makes this housewife thing look too easy and we want to thank her for ruining reality for us.  This is the HARDEST job on the planet and anyone who says differently has never been a full time mom.  We have the task of not only raising tomorrow's young minds who will one day change the world for good or bad, but we have to teach them, discipline them, feed them, clothe them, drive them around, encourage them, nurture them, be their mom, teacher, chef, daycare, cleaners, chauffeur, butler, and many more things and we don't even so much as hear a thank you most days.  We also have to be a wife, friend, confidant, lover, caretaker, companion, and much more to a man that we adore and who sometimes forgets that flowers on a random day would go a long way.  But we do it all anyways because we love our families, we are powerful, strong, courageous, and AMAZING moms, wives, homemakers, and we are WAY WAY BETTER THAN June Cleaver.

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