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Sunday, January 29, 2012

Worries and Woes

Welcome to motherhood...the endless land of worry.

I worry about my son 24/7.  Is he eating enough, is he eating too much, is he breathing normal or sounding wheezy or stuffy?  Is this spit up ok and normal or should we talk to the doctor about reflux and problems. 

It's like I'm never confident in anything that I do.  I feel like I'm learning something new for the first time, which I guess I am, but this is a HUMAN LIFE here.  I have to keep him safe, well, and happy.  And I'm not totally sure I'm qualified to do those things.  I make so many mistakes.  I know this because he's not happy, he's crying.  He cries when he's hungry and I've about figured that one out from the other cries.  It's those screaming, painful, hurting cries that I can't figure out very well.

Today my son woke up screaming, it was the horrible kind that I just knew something was wrong.  After burping him several times and getting covered in thick spit up, I lay him across my legs on his tummy, and he threw up even more all over me.  He screamed and spit up, and spit up and screamed.  It was awful.  At one point he gave me that "help me" eyes and I just about lost myself.  That hurts my heart so bad to see him in pain and practically begging me to help him with his tear filled baby eyes. 

So I just kept trying and holding him and loving him, I did everything I could and finally he felt better, soothed to sleep and is doing ok now.

Being a mom is hard work.  It's a worrying job.  I never will feel totally confident in this first go round and probably keep learning with this child and then be a total pro with the second one and/or third one(s).

Anyways, say a quick prayer that we figure this out.  I'm worrying about reflux now.  Hope I'm just a worry wort and wrong about this.

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