Mental Health is NOT "Mind over Matter"

I Am Adam Lanza's Mother-article by Lisa Long 

This is the real issue here!! I know children like this. Just scared kids themselves, sure they may look like adults, but they feel and act like scared children. They hit, kick, push, pull, punch the people trying to comfort them when the

ir on a sensory overload. Afterwards they apologize for their outburst and hug the person they just tried to do bodily harm to. It's a hard and scary world. It has many names, autism spectrum, behavioral disorders, ext. Their parents life in a virtual hell of trying to find a way to their children's deepest thoughts or a way to just survive the day. Some speak, some cannot speak. We are a nation full of mental illness, full of children and adults with no help, no where to go, no one to turn to. SOMEONE needs to step up and put an end to this tragedy! Mental health needs to be a public topic. We need better care, better facilities, and more resources. This shouldn't be hush hush, and those suffering from PTSD and PPD shouldn't feel like they are crazy and giving up on faith for needing and using medication. We need to accept and love those that are suffering, reach out, educate, help and listen to our friends and family. Please read this and learn more about mental illnesses. They are real and they need more than just "mind over matter" answers.




My story on PPD will be posted at some point...still working out the details I want to share.

Today was a very "crappy" day!

Let's just start off by saying that I sure hope no child ever got sick or worse from putting things in their mouth that are to an average intelligent adult NOT okay to put in your mouth!!!

So we got home from MOPS (Mother of Pre-Schoolers) today and my check engine light came on in the car on the way home.  Knowing I needed an oil change and that my horn and turn signals were acting up and I was driving a death trap that way, I decided to call up my husband's aunt and have her pick LAD and I up at the car place and drop the car off for some work.  So after hauling his giant Maxi Cosi Pria car seat into her car (which by the way is SOOO nice compared to my old clunker and it sure makes a difference putting a car seat into an SUV versus a 99' POS Malibu LS.  Anyways after I got him buckled in and the car dealings were done we came home and had some lunch and took a long afternoon nap.  Sounds wonderful but I forgot to mention what came before the wonderful long naps.  So my son pooped, happens all the time right, sure...I can handle this!  I changed his diaper and gently set him down over the baby gate in the living room and settled into the hall bathroom for my own quiet time with the john.  After I hear some strange gassy sounds coming from my living room and thinking to myself oh great I just changed you kid, I leave the bathroom and enter the living room only to see my son sitting on the floor next to a pile of something brown and realized quickly it was NOT his brown leggo toys.  You probably have guessed that the brown subject was dog poop, esp if you know that I own two yorkies which are the world's most horrible dogs to potty train despite their completely adorable little faces...I digress.  So my son is touching the poop and there is poop on his sweet little chin and I can only imagine how long he was there squishing it before mommy came running to save him.  I wash his hands immediately in a panic, then his face, then strip all his clothes off because his socks and pants have poo on them, and then brush his teeth and try to get his mouth rinsed out.  Then I plop him down into the pack n play and go get the steam cleaner and take about 20 minutes with a hot steam machine on the smashed into the carpet mess.  After all that is said and done I remember to give LAD his antibiotics from his sore throat (sure doesn't hurt to have some more after eating dog poo) and then scoop him up and realize that...oh yes, he had filled his diaper AGAIN and those noises I heard were definitely him messing up the perfectly clean diaper I just put on him.  So off we go to change him and clean him up and then whew...NAPTIME!  It never comes soon enough. Needless to say I'll be going to bed early tonight!

Adventures in NO SLEEP LAND

We are still waking up about 2-4 times every night.  My son is addicted...yes ADDICTED to breastfeeding.  I have probably screwed him up for life by allowing him to always comfort nurse and letting him nurse himself to sleep.  And because I refused to let him "cry it out" he's always been rocked and nursed to sleep and even back to sleep again, and again, and AGAIN.  I'm exhausted, I'm so tired of nursing, and I wish it was all behind us and he was just sleeping soundly through about 12 hours of night time.  But you know what, on the bright side he is a beautiful angel and won't always want to nurse or be held or rocked by me.  So even though it's 3am and I'm a total zombie, I'm going to love on this baby as long as I can.  When he goes and marries that bratty girl that I hate and leaves his mommy in the dust for someone else's bust, well I'm going to miss him and ache for him and wish he was still my sweet little boy.  So what if I stay in my pajamas until noon or later and just cuddle him up and take two hour naps in my bed with him.  So what if I'm a zombie before the afternoon sun is going.  I love my baby, and I am willing to sacrifice a few years of all nights sleep to keep him happy, healthy, and knowing that he's my #1 and loved.  So if you see me out and about and I stink or have totally forgotten makeup and a hairdo again, please smile and tell me I look great and smell beautiful.  I'll smile back and tell you my new fragrance is baby snot and puke.  Anyways, at least for today, I'm learning to get going, love life, and occasionally I do get a shower...most days. :)

Cry it out vs. love it out of em'

So I could do the cry it out thing right...I mean it swears to keep my kid sleeping soundly through the night for life.  Promises me little sleep for a few days but then it's over and he's a bona fide self soothing angel.  All I have to do is toughen him up by letting him scream bloody murder from his crib until he pukes his guts out and I have to go in there and clean him up and change his jammies and sheets and then start it over again while he's still screaming because now NOTHING will calm him down.

Yea...scratch that method.

So I could rock him like I always have and occasionally offer a boob to calm him down and let him fall peacefully asleep in my arms and lay him down drowsy and let him drift off to dream land.  Usually this does work for us, until...


TOP TEETH PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WORST THING EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He's getting top teeth.  You know they say if adults had to suffer the pain of teething we'd never make it through.  Well men wouldn't, women have been through worse struggles such as well...birthing that precious ball of love that's currently crying all night in pain.

So do I give him some pain meds and let him be?  Sometimes, it does help him out once in awhile but not always.

It's so funny to because twice this week we were just hanging out sitting on the couch with each other and both of us fell asleep.  Why can't night time be this easy?

So I did something crazy.  At midnight in my tired stupor I got on amazon.com and I bought something.  We're going to pray that this crazy impulse buy works.  I mean it has to right?  It has like 7 types of noises, a projector of 3 different neato pictures on the ceiling, a timer and it's voice activated and super neat blue light for nighttime.  It HAS to help!!

If you want to try one yourself it's the Munchkin Nursery Projector roughly 20-30 bucks depending on where you buy it.

I'll let you know....wish us luck. And why on earth can't night time be as easy as the daytime naps are????  In the words of my sis in law, this too shall pass.  But right now it sure feels more like Gandalf is on that bridge leading to perfectly good sleeping saying YOU SHALL NOT PASS.

Sorry I fell off the face of the earth...SLEEP ISSUES!

So I'm thinking about renaming this blog..."Please Can I Get Some Personal Time and Some Sleep!"

We are having sleep struggles.  Of course right when this occurs he's usually sick or fighting off something, or he's teething, so trying any new cry it out tactics is making me feel like about the size of an ant.  But man some days I really wish it were easier to just put this baby in his bed and let him go to sleep like all my cry it out friends swear happens.

I do have this one friend with great kids that both are in bed by 8pm meanwhile she has 10 women laughing hysterically in her house for two hours and you don't hear one peep.  She was a cry it out mom. 

So what have I really done wrong here?  Did allowing my son to nurse to sleep or rock and walk with him cause him to have lifelong problems.  Or do I follow Dr. Sears on this one and realize that if I left him to cry he'll have some severe psychological damage.  Who is right here?  Sleep methods are all over the place.  What's a confused new mom to do?  Who do you listen to?  If I listen to my own instincts you'll get a different idea every night.  If I google I just get more and more pissed at the conflicting results.  Not one method works for all, but what does work??? Because my kiddo still won't sleep good and still keeps waking up and freaking out and not going back to sleep without the boob and some cuddling.

Now I should be happy he likes to rock and cuddle right? But NO not all the time does he even like or want this.  Sometimes he throws a tantrum when I try things that used to work.  Sometimes he wants to just be left alone or put down.  How do you ever know what they want?  I sometimes wish he'd talk so I can just give him what he wants or reason with him that he needs to just stay in bed and shush until he's tired.

Babyhood is horribly hard.  Just told my friend I'd seriously buy him the moon if he'd be comfortable, calm and ok for the night.

Well he's screaming again and not stopping on his own this time so I'll stop here...


ISO MOON FOR SALE??? ANYONE??

SAHM and Wife's Ranthem!!

To my husband whom I adore but needs to understand more of what I do all day:

Here's a schedule of my day!  In case you forgot, my job is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks of the year.  I do NOT get paid vacation, I do NOT get sick days, I do NOT get a personal day, and I do NOT get a wonderful retirement at the end of my career path.

READ ON IF YOU DARE:

5:00am  baby wakes up crying.  i wake  you up and ask you to change the diaper so i don't nurse for an hour trying not to pee my pants.  you bring baby to bed and i prop up uncomfortably for a good 30 min and let this little thing suck and pull on my once perky and beautiful breast that now sag to the floor and are covered in the martyr lines and battle scars of birthing this little baby...stretch marks.

5:30am I beg you to please rock the baby so I can get some extra sleep.  After all you have to get up in 40 min to work and I do have to get up with the little one all day.  I'm sure  you are thinking that I get to sleep all day...wish it worked like that.

6:00am You leave for work and kiss me good-bye.  I pull the covers over my head and try to catch another 5-10 min of sleep.

6:10am The dogs have to pee. I get out of bed and let them outside. I realize that my breasts are like rocks and they must be pumped.  I get all the supplies washed and dried and set myself up to pump. This involves assembling puzzle like pieces and finding an outlet to plug into and washing more bottles to pump into and putting everything in order.  Then I realize the dogs are back inside but I'm already pumping and sitting there with nothing i can do other than hold these things to my saggy boobs (oh those stretch marks again) and wait for them to empty out into containers that I must then seal up and store in the freezer.

6:30am Pumping is done and baby wakes up before I completely get it all cleaned up.  I'll wash the parts later.  Time to get my cutie up for the day.  Change diaper, change clothing and find my phone in my bed.  Get dogs something to eat and let them back outside then sit down to nurse the baby again.  Dogs scratch at the door so i let them in still nursing my baby with boob hanging out for the neighbors to see. Finish nursing.

7:00am Playing with the cutie on the floor.  Trying to make him smile and keep him content.  Get him started on some back time on the floor with toys so I can work on last night's giant stack of dishes that weren't done.  Start putting some away when I hear baby crying.  Move baby to a bounce seat and try to work on dishes some more.  Crying again.  Move baby to the swing and work on dishes some more.  Crying again.  Move baby back to floor on tummy this time.  baby still freaking out.  realize it's been an hour and it's time to feed him breakfast.

8:10am mix rice cereal with breastmilk that was pumped earlier. warm it up then add fruit of choice.  baby shrieks and screams from being forced into captivity in his high chair while i stir it and taste it YUCKY to make sure it's not too hot.  Sit down to feed it to baby who gets it all over his sweet face and hands and then SCREAMS bloody murder at me while I try to clean it off.  Clean him up and nurse him for a quick drink.  Pull him off and pat him down for a nap since he's so cranky at this point he's completely beside himself and nothing I do will content him.  He finally drifts off to sleep and I realize that I've killed another hour of my day.

9:00am  Put baby down in crib.  Hold face in hands until he stops flailing.  Pray that he stays asleep for a few min.  Slowly walk out of room and close door.  Scamper back into kitchen to try and very quietly this time put away those dishes from last night.  Get them done and even have time to wipe down the counters and find spills of your coffee and creamer, your cheesey helper on the stove to wipe clean ext.  Realize the trash needs taken out but can't leave cutie alone inside the house for fear someone will run in my house and steal him away.  wish i had time to mop the floor and wipe down cabinets. oh another day....run down to see what our laundry situation looks like.  Clothes were left all night in the washer again and need rerun through since the heat of the summer makes them stink rotten if i don't.  rewash them.  Take the ones from the drier upstairs just in time to hear baby start to cry.  It's now been an hour and a half.

10:30am Get baby out of bed, change a diaper realizing the diaper pail is starting to reject diapers, again can't carry diaper trash and baby outside at the same time, carry baby back to the living room.  In the process must find cell phone, computer, and any other things I'll need close by.  He nurses while I catch up on texts or emails.  Researching baby feeding procedures, shot information, BPA free plastics, new car seat we'll never be able to afford, his insurance and dr. bills, sorting through breastfeeding information, questions about what to do with constipation, burping and puking too much, ext.  He finishes and wants to play.  I set him in the playroom and let him play for a bit.  I then have to use the bathroom.  By the time I finish in there he's crying again.  Didn't get a great nap in.  Wants another one but it's a fight to the death to get him to take one even though he's cranky and exhausted.  Finally he relaxes and goes to sleep.  It's been two hours now.

12:30pm  baby goes in crib again and I realize I have yet to eat a thing today.  go into kitchen to grab a meal.  i see huge stack of mail that hasn't been sorted and begin to thumb through coupons and bills and get rid of the junk mail and put things back in order.  I see your phone charger and go to return it to it's place which leads me into the living room to get my phone back on the charger in there since mine's dying.  then I realize the living room looks like babies r us exploded so i move all the baby bouncers and rockers and toys back into the play room.  i put away dog toys too. straighten up pillows that were never straightened up last night.  i put away pictures and books and magazines left out.  put away baby toys. and realize that the tv stand is very dusty.  i go back into the kitchen to the stack of bills i was working on to get dust stuff and set the dust stuff aside to finish sorting the mail.  baby starts crying.  it's been a half hour

1:00pm i change his diaper and take him into the kitchen and put him in his high chair.  I realize the dust stuff is still in there.  i fix him some veggie dinner and a bottle of milk and feed him the food, listen to him scream as i clean him up, then give him a bottle and burp until i'm covered in green puke.  then put him down in his jumperoo for a bit.  i go back into the kitchen  then i take the duster and dust all the living room and make my way into the playroom to dust too.  this makes me realize that it's a mess in there and i organize and straighten up baby's toys, books, clothing and more.  i need more diapers in my playroom bag so i sneak quietly into baby's room to get more.  i see a pile of clothes on the floor that need put away. i grab more diapers and run them back to the playroom.  i decide to get his to go bag ready for the next babysitter and get supplies back and forth. baby starts getting sick of the jumperoo and fussy and i realize that it's been another hour and a half

2:30pm i get baby and start to rock him to sleep again after much drama and crying of which i get up and stand and rock then sit down and rock then go outside and walk and talk and rock. finally he goes to sleep again as he desperately needs an afternoon nap as well.  i go to put him in his crib and he's not having that so i go through the whole process over again trying to get him down to nap.  this time i let him sleep on my body since he won't do anything else.  we both fall asleep since i'm starting to get tired and i nap about an hour with the worst position position to fall asleep in i can find and wake up with a huge kink in my neck and soreness.  he's still asleep so i move him to his swing hoping he'll stay down another hour. I realize that i haven't eaten yet so i make myself some lunch put it in microwave and see your cheese mess you left in there, wipe that out and warm up my meal, and sit down to eat it.

3:30pm baby wakes up. I go change a diaper and get him situated playing again.  i feel guilty that i haven't played with him all day so i sit down and read him a few books and play and hang out with him.  he gets mad and wants to eat.  we nurse together while my back aches because i'm still in the playroom on the floor.  i move to the sofa and find my lunch still there.  I try to eat with one hand and try to read an email or responses to my research in between bites. i may turn on the tv.  he finishes up and falls asleep again so i try to move him and once again he doesn't want moved.  he's so cranky that i know he needs his rest so again i'm a human bed and let him sleep on me.  when i think he's really out of it i try to put him down again this time on the couch beside me.  i might finish a show if i happened to turn the tv on while he slept and i was stuck there.

4:30pm as baby sleeps i check the laundry.  put some into the drier and bring up another load of dry clothing.  still haven't folded the other loads so i work on a few of those things and baby wakes up. change his diaper and phone rings,  it's you saying you are coming home from work now.  i take baby outside for the first time all day so he'll seem happy for you when you get here.  you find us smiling and giggling in the backyard playing outside.  dogs are happy to see you as well.  you change and shower and i get baby back inside.  you take him while i make dinner.  you nap usually at this point.  i get dinner ready and sometimes baby is napping so we eat in peace, most of the time we eat in tandem so one person enjoys while the other does baby duty.  then we feed baby his supper.

6:30pm baby finishes dinner to a fuss from wiping his face again and then nurses for a little while.  then he plays with you and me off and on until bath time.

7:30pm bath time arrives and i get him started on it.  some night you start him on it but usually holler at me to get his jammies or a diaper or towel.  together we make this happen and get him lotioned up and in jammies.  he had bad naps today so he wants to nurse again and go back to sleep.  i nurse and put him to bed.

8:00pm house is quiet. we decide to watch shows after one of us feeds the dogs and lets them outside.  their barking wakes the baby.  he pukes all over us both and finally goes back to sleep again.

9:30 we still haven't finished a show but you give up and go to bed.  i stay up and watch  the ending and then clean the living room up.  get the dishes ready to be washed the next day or wash them now why not.  Then I clean down the kitchen and get my pumping supplies in the sink for tomorrow.  I sometimes load the dishwasher and start it.  No matter what i do i'm still up late and there will still be more to do tomorrow.

10:45pm I sit down to relax on the computer for a bit. i talk to family on facebook, check emails, work on pampered chef orders, look for a job for tomorrow on aesop (subtitute teacher) find one and line up a baby sitter as well.  back up baby's bag and milk and get everything ready.

11:30pm i finish getting ready for tomorrow and come to bed.  i sit down on the toilet for the first time all day with no worries of the baby crying at me with no one to help me.  i think and think about my day. process it all out, read my book to escape it all, take my time and enjoy my emptying of my bowels.  Then I brush my teeth and hop in bed.  My head hits the pillow.  I push dogs out of the way.  You forgot to put them in the kennel yet again.  guess we won't have sex tonight.  we won't even kiss or cuddle. you are snoring since you've been passed out since 9:30pm.  Oh well. I think some more.

1:46am I finally fall asleep and awake at 6:15am to my cute crying son.  I nudge you to please do me a favor and get him for me.  Oh wait you are already gone to work.  My turn again.



This is kinda a look into my day.  It's not hardly everything.  I forget to mention that every time I change rooms i have to refind my phone.  I also don't mention that 60% of the things I'm cleaning up aren't mine.

I know you work hard.  I love you for that.  I do appreciate all you do for me and how tired you must be.  If you spent more time talking to about your day I'd prob realize how hard it is on you.  But for now, for this one time, this one's about ME and MY day.  And it would be nice to feel more appreciated too, and even nicer to get some flowers, or jewelry, or a day off to do something like get a massage you booked me. Or a pedicure.  Or a shopping spree.  Anything that you thought up all by yourself to treat me.  And yes we need more dinners together.  And more romance.  And it's hard with a baby and you and I are both too tired.  But hey, at least now you know how my day is spent.  That I do appreciate you...and that I deserve some appreciation and a little more understanding too.


AND I STILL NEED TO TAKE A SHOWER SOMETIME TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Super Woman Must Have Been a Housewife

There's no other way to get around it folks...superwoman was defiantly a housewife.  Forget this comic book hero crap.  She was the woman that got married and made babies then decided to give up her entire existence to love and care for them.  She's the woman that decided that the most important people in her life are her family and tirelessly works to serve them.  Superwoman is the wife that has a warm dinner on the table even when her darling husband comes home at midnight.  She's the mom who works hard to get her little one calmed down after his shots and off to bed constantly checking in on him and checking for a fever or rash.  She's the woman who in the middle of her day with her son and his first shots takes time out to run over to the hospital to comfort some family members while they are worried over someone who is very sick.  She then comes home and helps put the baby to bed and gets up feeling her stress and exhaustion and just deals with her headache and gets up for the day and gets going.  She does all the laundry and dishes, cleans up her house, and makes sure there are plenty of towels and soaps in the guest bath.  She washes the guest room sheets in case family needs to stay with her and she goes ahead and washes her own sheets after a week of spit up stains built up on them.  She is still up past 10pm despite her tiredness because she can't sleep without her man her SUPER man beside her at night.  She also knows he needs to eat something when he gets home and she wants to be there waiting up to greet him.  She also while waiting works on the laundry again to catch it all up.  She misses her mom and her husband and is very lonely but just deals with that as well because she knows her man is working hard to provide for her.

Superwoman isn't a comic book hero.  She doesn't fight crime but rather fights illness and dirty houses.  She doesn't wear some sexy tight costume but aprons, spit up stained t-shirts, and nursing tank tops.

She teaches her family about God and how Jesus loves them and without His grace and mercy they wouldn't have nearly as wonderful a life as they do.

She makes healthy meals for them and tries to keep herself full so she can nourish and feed her new baby every two hours.

She wakes up no matter how sick or tired she is to nurse that baby back to sleep and keep him happy and fed.

She makes time for her husband even when she's tired or has a headache because if she just keeps him happy and shows him attention and love he'll be a better husband and friend.

She even has time to take the dogs outside and feed them each day while walking around with the baby still eating from her breast and surely the neighbors see her at the door with her shirt up.

But she does it all because she's superwoman...superwife...supermom...SUPER WOMAN!